Hiei and the Cold Hearted Woman
by Sakura Sango
Summary: Hmmm a random story of Hiei and a glarin woman- check inside for a better summary


Hey there everyone. This is a short and probably stupid one shot based on our experience with a glarin woman at church Sunday. Let's say she doesn't like anybody to cough. Everything your about to read is true- no matter how weird it may sound. Well except for Hiei and Kurama bein there...that would have made it all better.

**Disclaimer**- I own nothing. Not even the plot for the story for it was my bro a collaboration between my bro- Red Dragon, and the 'cold hearted woman'

**Warning**- You may fry brain cells reading this please do not sue me for a brain transplant. Also Hiei is going to be totally ooc- so there....

X-X-X-

Hiei and the Cold Hearted Woman (I know sucky title)

Hiei sat on the orange cushioned seat staring, er glaring I think is a better word to use, ahead at the man that stood preaching. Why had he let Kurama talk him into this?

'_WHY!!!'_ he mentally screamed while glaring ahead. '_Oh yeah Kurama had said this was where all of the sweet snow was stored_.' That's right! Well the mighty Hiei would never fall for that ever again.

Sighing he glanced over at Kurama, who was now snoring lightly a tiny trace of drool..., eh well ya know, drooling down his face. Growling Hiei threw his legs up on the seat. Forget the stupid rule of no feet on the furniture.

Another strong glare was sent to the man while he repeated himself for the 15th time. Had he not just said that the mass would be short due to the fact that the air conditioner was busted? If this was short he would hate to see long.

Pounding the life out of the poor book for the umpteenth time before him the balding man once again preached, and once again repeating himself, about how we should love thy neighbor.

Just then the worst thing happened to Hiei. No it was not that the raspy voiced man suddenly got a new stronger voice. But instead Hiei got an tickle in his throat. Vile things ya know.

Quietly he tried to clear his throat.

But the tickle still remained.

Growling under his breath, he tried once again.

But the tickle laughed and mocked his efforts.

Utterly upset now Hiei slipped away from the pukeish colored seats and went to get a drink.

And the tickle went away.

Dancing a happy jig he proudly went back to his seat to hear the squeal of the man who **_once again_** repeated himself (A/n- if ya think I'm kiddin come sometime when he's talking, believe me its all true...)

Scooting into the oh my god colored seats Hiei closed his eyes. Maybe Kurama had the right idea after all of sleeping though this part. Sighing contently he snuggled up ready for about a twenty minute nap.

Or that was until....

Dun dun duuuuun

The dreaded feeling came back ten times worse.

Gritting his teeth tightly Hiei scooted in his seat. First to the left then the right then the left again.

Kurama opened a green eye long enough to glare at the one who dared to wake the mighty Yoko from his much needed nap. Digging himself deeper into the seat he closed his eyes, once again falling into a deep slumber.

Hiei groaned quietly as he stared ahead trying desperately not to move. He did not want to go to the horrid water fountain, for he still was not completely sure why it was yellow instead of silver or even gold. And the water for some odd reason did not taste right. (O.o;; hehe yes once again it's all true!!!)

Ahead of him, he could see a hunched back grey headed woman staring at the preaching man almost in tears. Smiling she would nod and silently praise that such a wonderful man was up there talking. Only if Hiei could have seen the horns hidden behind the radiating halo above her head.

Unable to stand the tickle any longer he bent down and coughed trying his hardest to keep it muffled.

And he coughed...

And he coughed...

Aaaaaaaand he coughed.

Oh how good it felt to cough. That horrid tickle just seemed to vanish.

Throwing his hands up Hiei gave a silent cheer. The tickle was gone. He was so happy that he almost felt like going up and giving the yet again repeating man (or is it a parrot) a big smooch on the lips.

'_Eh, maybe not_' he thought shuddering at the thought. A blue tinge crept up on his face as that thought entered his mind, soiling it. "Icky. Gross. That's just not right." Hiei stated, maybe just a little to loud for he got a few receive a few glaring glances.

No problem for the mighty Hiei. With one strong glare he sent all of those people running with their tails between their legs.

Proud he puffed out his chest and crossed his arms. No one had yet beaten the glaring champ. And no one ever would. A smile remained on his face as he settled into his seat.

Or at least it did until...

Dun dun duuuuun.

The hunched back lady sat still glaring at him. Anger entered her eyes as she glared.

And glared.

And glared.

Yup ya guessed it- Aaaaaaaand glared.

Hiei continued to glare. Concentrating extra hard to not lose. There was no way that a granny was going to beat him. He was the champ.

The old lady continued to stare her brown eyes growing harsher every second.

Hiei, on the verge of losing, decided to do something drastic. Something never attempted by a champ glarer before. He...

Oh no it's just too controversial to tell.

There was no way that glarers around the world could ever see Hiei as their hero ever again.

Ya want me to tell you. Ok but hold onto your seats, remember if ya feel light headed place your head between your knees and the person beside ya can be used as a floatation device.

Hiei, he...well, he stuck his tongue out at the hunched back woman.

Yes I know a bad day in the history of or glarers all around.

Horrified the woman turned away her eyes back on her hero.

Once again Hiei celebrated- this time without sickening thoughts entering his mind.

But that darn tickle still persisted.

And continued to tickle on.

And on.

And on.

Aaaaaaaaaand on. (ya tired of readin this, sorry )

Clinching his fists Hiei let another coughing fit come.

He coughed to his heart's content.

Or that was until-

Yep ya guessed it- the hunched back grey headed woman looked back to send yet another spine chilling glare to Hiei's direction.

Well by now Hiei had had enough of this day. First Kurama kept him up late, then he had to wake up early to supposedly eat sweet snow, then the repeating parrot before him, then the dreaded tickle plagued him. And now he had to deal with this hunched back grey headed woman.

Anger coursed his veins as he coughed...

And coughed...

And coughed...

The granny before him narrowed her colder then cold eyes as she violently shook her head.

Now Hiei had a huge problem. Not only could he not stop coughing but now he had to deal with the problem of trying to keep from laughing out loud. For the old hag now looked like a person in those old ningen movies that Kurama would watch late at night. The ones where a person would be possessed by an evil spirit and their head would shake uncontrollably.

Grinning like a fool he plugged his nose in hopes of keeping his growing laughter at bay.

Or so was the plan.

Holding his breath he tried to not laugh. Eyes almost crossed, face turning blue, and the laughter- was not suppressed. Half snorting half laughing he blew up (no not literally!). The only thing our brave and mighty Hiei could do now was laugh quietly into his hands.

So laugh he did. Finally after a few side splitting minutes our loveable fire demon was able to suppress the laughter.

Or so he thought. The parrot let the poor book before him have yet another beating for being, well a book. Under his breath the man let out a 'ow' and shook his hand in pain. Causing Hiei to let out another fit of laughter.

Well by now our favorite fox was awake and followed everyone else in sending glare at the tiny demon.

Then came the pokes. One jab in the side, then two, then three. All the while Hiei kept trying to control his laughter only to have him consumed by another bout.

Twenty four, twenty five. Poor Hiei's side was getting sorer by the second. He was going to have a bruise the size of a orange soon if Kurama didn't quit.

Thirty three. Now it was getting serious. Hiei was laughing harder and harder. Kurama was practically punching his finger into the side.

Forty. Now everyone around the pair were staring, eyebrows raised. Blushing fiercely Kurama cleared his throat as he ushered the laughing Hiei out of the church and to the street where he waited for a semi to come rolling down the street.

The End.

X-X-X-

**Sakura**- Yes stupid I know but hey I warned ya. Now feel free to flame me 'cuz I am flame-proof see ::_holds up tag that reads 'flame proof'_:: Haha, all of your flames will bounce off of me and hit other things. Go ahead 'n try.

**Readers**- ::_start throwing flames_::

::_flames fly off of the authoress and hit random things_::

**Kuwabara-** ::_flames hit his shirt_:: Ahhhh!! I'm on fire help!! ::_runs into a wall and is knocked out_::

**Yusuke-** ::_flame lands on his hair_::

**Keiko-** Uh, Yusuke a flame on your head. Isn't your hair gel flammable?

**Yusuke**- Yeah.

**Keiko**- Soooo, shouldn't you be worried?

**Yusuke**- ::_lost look on his face_::

**Kurama**- O.o;; Yusuke you should be worried

**Yusuke**- Oh, ok ::_starts to scream and run in circles_:: My hair's on fire! HELP!!!

**Rose bush**- ::_flame lands on it:: ::rose bush burns to a crisp_::

**Kurama**- Nooooooooo!! ::_sobs hysterically_:: I'll save you! ::_jumps into the burning bush_:: O.O Now I'm on fire. ::_runs away screaming_::

**Sakura**- ::_sweatdrop_:: Told ya so! Read and review, flame if ya like to.


End file.
